Giving Thanks

Giving Thanks.

 Yesterday was a whirlwind of travel and food, which was wonderful but exhausting.

 I was thinking on this yesterday, but taking the time write on it this morning. On what I am thankful for. Perhaps I've said this a lot previously, but I feel that it is something I cannot be thankful enough for, and that is the friends in my life.

 A life in entertainment can be jading for a variety of reasons. Maneuvering through intrigue and egos can be both jading and exhausting. Feeling like you're slowly being lost in the shuffle of deals and desires, and wondering if you're even losing yourself in the grind and hustle can be soul siphoning.

 So when you find yourself in the midst of intelligent, creative, ambitious people that have remained loving, kind, humble and gracious is rare and precious. I am thankful for the wonderful people in my life, both performer and non, (and for all of them putting up with me) and also realize how fortunate I am to have found the friends and comrades that I have in recent years.

 I am thankful for all of my friends that have been with me through good times and hard times. I am grateful that we've found each other, and for their presence in my life. For your presence in my life.

 I love so many of you here, too many to tag. But I sincerely hope that you know who you are. Even if we don't speak or see each other all the time.

 You were with me when I lost everything. You've been with me during the crazy journey before and the road upward since. I am endlessly grateful for my second (and third, fourth?) family, my friends, my colleagues and all of the people that make my life wonderful.

 Thank you.

A Few Lessons From Stan Lee

A Few Lessons from Stan.

From Peter Parker, I learned that with great power comes great responsibility. But that power can also feel small against the evils of the world. Spiderman often faces opponents more powerful than him in some way, and fights to overcome this. We all have abilities, things within our power, it may seem small against the onslaught of awful from the world around us, but we can never give up fighting.

From Matt Murdock, I learned that we do not have to let our limitations define us. We do not have to let the hardships or our lives keep us from doing great things. And that we do not have to let the evils around us dissuade us from what we know to be right.

From Bobby Drake I learned how important it is to keep your sense of humor, even when things are tough and going wrong.

From Warrant Worthington III, I learned that life can sometimes change, drastically and awfully. That we can feel like we’re going to die, and might wish we did. But when we come through the other side, we will be stronger than we ever imagined possible.

From Sue Storm, I learned that we don’t always have to be seen for our presence to be felt.

From Mastermind, I learned to not always trust the way things appear.

From Nick Fury, I learned that there are shades of gray in this world we don’t understand when we’re young, and difficult decisions to make in order to accomplish our goals.

From Bruce Banner, I learned that our rage can consume us if we let it, and actions taken in that anger can destroy everything around us. That even though a Hulk might manifest within us in reaction to the injustices we endure and perceive, we need to check in with the Bruce Banner within us and find a more logical way to work through things, rather than lash out in anger.

From Stephen Strange, I learned that although one path may end, our lives our not over. This was something that I needed in 2013 when I felt abandoned, alone, and that my lifelong dream had dried up and died. But even though one journey may end, it does not mean that we cannot find a new path, learn a new skill and discover a new purpose. Seriously Stan, thank you so much for this one.

Truth, Reason, Why

We plink and putter away each day. Often days merely trying to survive. To keep our heads above water, when it feels like there's a hard ceiling above us and the tide keeps rising each day.

There are other days, when we've left Maslow satisfied, and we have time to ponder and reflect.

And not the sort of pondering and reflecting that results in angry letters and moody poetry, but the sort of contemplation that leads us stealthily creeping or even stumbling backwards into a stone foundation surrounded by all this quagmire and bog and sand that we hope to one day call the truth. Our truth, at the very least.

Throughout history, truths have been very much opposed to one another and we called it war.

Today truths are very much opposed to each other and we call it politics or law or justice.

What is justice to one may be tragedy to another.

And still, we continue to strive in our failed human condition to appeal to higher principles, much like a toddler reaching for the top shelf to get at that cookie jar, hoping that through sheer force of will that we will attain that mighty summit. Cookies are a prize for children and philosophers alike after all.

Yet, as we grow and learn, it seems that that shelf just keeps getting farther and farther away. And as our child's eyes shift to adult's eyes (should this change take place, throughout the ages I've learned this is not as commonplace as I'd assumed growing up) that perspective comes into view. The top shelf is further away for myriad reasons that we did not understand as children, and we're left with an awful choice: to continue striving for that which we might never attain, or to walk away and give up.

But with that growth and gaining of wisdom, another thing changes besides perspective. Reason. And not just the lofty reason through which we work through the puzzles of life and society, but quite simply the reason why we bother at all. Why? The great Why. The reason we must have for the endeavors we take on. And at the end of the day, in the still quiet moments we can conjure away from the raucous and pedantic world around us, that is all we have. Our Truth. Our Why. Our Reason.

And we may examine and shift that reason if we are the type of person capable of doing so. We will reflect upon that high shelf, and daily decide if it is worth the climb and struggle, or if we are happy with our place here amongst the lower cabinets. Which, there is nothing wrong with the lower cabinets. Being short myself, I make sure there are still goodies accessible at the lower cabinets.

Yet even still, that becomes our Why. Our Reason. Our Truth.

And that journey, whether we struggle or coast, whether we ponder or party, whether we study or assume, becomes the story of our Truth.

Endlessly Re-mending the Past

Matt Murdock: "I'd take that back if I could."

Sister Maggie: "If God allowed that, there'd be no future. Just people endlessly re-mending the past."

This bit of dialogue shook me. I, like most people, have chunks of my past I wish I might have done differently. I've mapped it out in my head at times, how I could change things, knowing what I know now.

This line of thinking can leave us feeling trapped however, that we are constantly looking back on what you didn't do right, or what evils were done to us. And we might have every reason to do so. There's no harm in mourning, it helps us move on.

But that second part is key. Moving on. Moving forward.

We take what we learn from our mistakes, from our past injuries, from the mistakes of those around us, and if we can find the focus and the wisdom, we will make different choices and be better tomorrow than we were yesterday.

But in that one line, Sister Maggie jarred these endless reflections and what ifs inside me with the idea of this endless loop of trying to fix things only to have other things go wrong that I did not foresee. Then going back to mend or change those. Then seeing other ways, new ways I could change what's already happened.

But I'd never be moving forward. Just like I am when I dwell in the past.

And like the traveler in Pilgrim's Progress, I felt this huge weight roll from on top of me. I suddenly felt free of all of those endless looks backwards, because that's not my life. That's not my future.

My destiny lies before me, using the lessons of the past to forge something greater to come. And it is that for all of you.

That burden of the mistakes and hurts of yesterday do not have to be this endless dwelling place where we become mired in the what ifs, the "If I'd only done this", and I say this being one of the worst offenders.

Hopefully this realization, and this thought that this loop of regret and change of the past, seeing it for the endless circle going no where that it is. Hopefully this takes some weight off your chest too.

Thank you for reading.

~Gideon Hodge