Of Lemons and Lemonade

There's the old saying "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Most of us use this trying to console a friend going through a rough patch. (Those of us that even still use this saying.) Many of us likely think it's trite and pointless; not really pointing out any useful insight.

However, insight is all about perspective and attitude.

Anne Frank lived through one of the most horrific periods in records history: The Holocaust. She was a Jew that lived in an attic space with a group of other people hiding from Nazis before finally being taken into a concentration camp. Yet, despite all of that she wrote "I still believe, in spite of everything, that all people are truly good."

That quote is immensely humbling. You look at events going in the world around you that seem beyond your control, or even circumstances in your own life that you feel like you can't get a grasp on and feel angry, sad or overwhelmed. (Or all three) Yet think about what she went through, and the message she left for us to find so many years later. She died and left behind her diary. Her words carry more weight than she might have imagined, but I honor them, because I honor her. And I learn to put my bullshit in perspective. (Note: It's an ongoing struggle.)

Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company he had founded. He never gave up. He kept innovating. He kept creating. And one day, roughly a decade later, Apple realized how much they needed his creativity and genius. Steve jobs kept going.

One of my favorite personal examples is Chris Cornell. That man has had two immensely successful bands and a very successful solo career. But when Soundgarden broke up, it would have been easy to say 'screw it' and live off those residuals the rest of his life. But Chris Cornell was going to make music, come Hell or high water. And he's always made excellent music, never losing his personal touch and artistry.

Rounding this out, let's look at the Dalai Lama. A man known for his immense wisdom couple with a child like wonder and joy. This is a man who's home country is under foreign occupation. This is a man who's friends set themselves on fire in protest. Set themselves on fire. Let me say again, things were so bad in Tibet that monks poured gasoline over themselves and set themselves on fire to protest the conditions of Chinese occupation.

Still, the Dalai Lama, a sage in exile, travels the world sharing wisdom, comfort and solace. Don't think for a moment that the thoughts of his home country don't wreck him inside. That he doesn't wish he could go back home everyday. That he dreams that tanks and guns didn't win out over reason and peace. But he hasn't let that beat him. In fact, maybe it's those very things that drive him to try to make the world around him a better place. He doesn't travel the world pushing a political agenda and preaching anti-China rhetoric. No one would blame him if he did. (Except maybe the Chinese.)

But he rose above that. He decided to dedicate himself to something greater. Love. Wisdom. Happiness. Those are worthwhile pursuits.

You can't always change your circumstances. You can always change how you approach them. New studies have shown that stress related health is all about how you view your stress. Stress is your body tapping into it's adrenal reserves, and if you view stress as your ability to deal with the situations more effectively, it actually has a much better affect on your overall health.

Take a moment and look at a situation in your own life that drives you nuts. How would Anne Frank handle it? How would the Dalai Lama? Imagine him chuckling next to you and inviting you to have a frolic through a pile of leaves with him. How would Steve Jobs tackle it? What would Chris Cornell do?

Keep moving forward. Make yourself smile. Even if you don't believe it, sit up straight and smile. You'll start feeling different right away.

You take control of your life when you take control of your mind.

Does constantly being on the hustle make you stronger, or make you jaded?

It's an ebb and flow honestly.

Times that the energy is up, the people are wonderful and the shows are amazing.

There are other times that you cringe when you head to the next rehearsal.

Consider calling in sick for a show.

I've been at this for a long time and have suffered and struggled more than most will know.

(I was essentially homeless once or twice... among other things.)

I have also gotten to see myself on the silver screen and t.v. Enjoyed nearly 5 years where I had no

day job other than acting.

2014 I was in a slew of shows while juggling grad school and management at work. There are entire shows I don't entirely recall from sleep deprivation. That year was a mixture of delirium, success, betrayal, and love. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.

There are times I am so happy I could burst from this crazy love affair with performing. There are other nights that I want to follow apart, cry, scream and/or drink myself into oblivion hoping the feeling of self loathing will abate.

It's natural. I hate saying it, but it is. You'll second guess yourself. You'll doubt why you're even bothering at times. If it makes any difference or if anyone cares.

And you'll never know the full impact of your art. Whispers and rumors will make its way back to you eventually. Good and bad. Most won't spend the time to write a review.

But in the end, as you've made your last toast from a night of celebration or cried your last tear from the agony of defeat, you will have to decide for yourself if tomorrow is another chance to do it again. 

That craving will always be in you. But you will have to decide how far you will chase it. Only you will know how much it gives back to you.

I know starving artists that wouldn't stop what they do for anything. There have been millionaire actors and rock stars that died in self loathing and depression.

Success really is in the mind. Only we can decide what that means.

I hope today's ache is a good ache. One of growth, one of struggle towards something good, one of hope for improvement tomorrow.

Love, and hugs.

Vouloir c'est pouvoir. :)

Art Pressure

Feeling frustrated with your journey? Things going wrong in your artistic endeavors for no discernible reason? Just feel like nothing is shiny and new like it was in college, or in your first few shows?

It's honestly just part of the process.

It may just be time for some contraction in your path. Like in so many chemical processes, there is expansion and contraction. In the arts, in my experience, this is the make or break period. There is initial success where everyone is excited and moving in the same direction.

Then that rapid heat and expansion cools, and performers get comfortable with their success and assured of their status. This is where bands break up, performance groups dissolve, theaters shut down, businesses close, etc etc etc. Even where the solo artist loses site of their goals. Or decides on new ones.

The path is always changing, with or without our consent. The path we may have ventured forth to brave may not be the path we find ourselves upon now. The desires and convictions of yesterday may not coincide with the needs and the truths of today.

You have already done much to be proud of. Take a moment to breathe, find your center, and decide on your next step. It's okay if it doesn't fit into 'the plan', the plan was more of a rough guideline anyway. Don't let the pressures artists put on themselves keep you from your next adventure or your new path.

Don't Be a Fake Geek

There is nothing more refreshing in a conversation than an eagerness to engage and a willingness to learn.

One issue that I take with pseudo-intellectuals, hipsters, fake geeks and the like is this haughtiness mixed with half knowledge.

I have a broad range of interests. As such, I know a good bit about those interests, but there are areas where my knowledge is lacking.

What engages me immediately is when I see someone's eyes light up with genuine enthusiasm for a topic they are passionate about. They lean forward, they smile, they engage. Most specifically, on top of sharing knowledge, they will also ask questions.

We all started out as novices. I didn't start drinking beer until I was 27. No really. It's not until the past few years that I really got into learning about craft beers. I'm still learning. I love talking with beer geeks about their favorite beers, learning about knew beer houses that may have just opened or in a territory I'm unfamiliar with.

Nothing makes me want to leave a room faster than when a topic is struck, and someone leans back, smug smile, thinking about how they are going to 'educate' the room with their vast and often haphazard knowledge.

Even if you are an expert, you can share that without being a tool.

If you don't know, don't lie about. The geeks will know. Whether a history geek, philosophy geek, beer geek, comic book geek. And it's not because we're sitting down, writing out lists. It's because you learn about the things that you're passionate about.

So in your passions, be genuine. Love, learn, share, grow.

You

Good morning. You made it. One more day.

You're one day further from a history that haunts you. One day wiser from the mistakes of the past. One day further healed from the hurts that follow you. One day closer to that tomorrow you seek.

The road is not easy. With aching feet and tired eyes you struggle to maintain the path you set for yourself.

It might keep you up each night thinking about it. It may daunt you each morning as you wake to the new day's struggle.

These are hard times. Uncertain times.

You're going to question the world around you. You're going to question your choices. Your options. Yourself.

One thing you cannot question is your worth.

Regardless of the knocks and turns of this world and this life, you hold immeasurable value. There are people in your life who's day you brighten, who's world you improve, who's spirits you lift.

You may never even know the ways you improve the world around you. You might bake a delicious cake. Sing a song. Help someone take out their trash. Fix a car. Listen to a problem sincerely.

They may sound trivial alone, but together they add up to an immense good.

If everyone in this world did one small thing to make someone else's day better, every day, think of the immense tidal wave of good that could be accomplished.

And we do. In so many smalls ways. In so many grand ways we may never understand.

You may be tired and hurting right now. You may be planning a new life goal, trying to understand a calamity that befell you, or struggling with a pain that you try your best to hide from the world. But never question your contribution to the greater good.

Do good work. Be good to the people around you. You are contributing to this world in a way that only you can, and without you that void will never be filled again.

I may not even know you. I may not know the struggle you are going through right at this moment. But I want you to know that I love you. In this moment, while you read these words, we are connected. Even if you read them long after I am gone. We are connected. Together we can keep making this world a better place.

You are worth while. You bring a goodness to this world that can never be replaced, and I beg you to keep sharing that with this world, no matter how hard it gets. Because you have helped change someone else's life for the better, as so many have improved mine in ways they may never fully comprehend. In ways they may not even remember.

Keep struggling. Keep trying. Keep waking up to each new day, with all its trials and pitfalls, and keep making the world a better place as only you can. And smile with this knowledge and power.

You can do it. You already have.

Remember to Breathe.

Remember to breathe.

There was a rumor when I was young about an old man that would travel the world giving lectures. A guru of some sort from the East. He claimed that he was over 200 years old. When asked the secret of his longevity, he simply replied “Inner Quiet.”

This story has stayed with me throughout my life. (It turns out the story had truth to it, as this monk’s remains were found in February, 2015) But it’s one I have to keep reminding myself of. (As with so many life lessons.)

Those moments of inner peace and tranquility are important. Stress leads to a host of physical ailments. Heart issues, stomach problems, migraines. Sometimes it’s just necessary to take a moment and step away from the issue. Just breathe.

If you have the opportunity to study yoga or learn meditation techniques, by all means do so. They are a wonderful tool for mental and emotional health.

If not? Just breathe. Sometimes just taking ten deep, slow breaths can lower your heart rate and reduce stress levels. This will help you focus on the situation at hand with renewed clarity. This will help from making impulse decisions or knee jerk reactions.

Workload and traffic at work getting immensely stressful? Remember to breathe. 

Events unfolding in unpredictable ways? Remember to breathe. 

Someone just being completely unreasonable? Remember to breathe.

It won’t make the situation go away. But it will limit the situation’s ability to cause you harm; to stress you out; to put all that negative energy on you.

Remember to breathe.

Angst or Depression?

A friend of mine has been dealing with depression. Or angst. He's not sure which and was pondering the difference.

Here was my answer:

I think existential angst comes from a vague hopelessness. A feeling that all is not 'as it should be' , whatever that may mean to us at the time.

Depression comes from a longing. Again, it may be a longing we can't define, but something is definitely missing.

Until we can identify either artifice that is either wrong or missing, we can do something about each in the meanwhile.

For Angst, we can pick a direction and move forward until the world 'feels right' again.

For Depression, we can look for the treasures in our life and our world that are joyful and good, and give all our heart and energy to those.

That focus will allow the angst or depression to dissipate while we journey on. And one day it will subside and be but a distant memory. And either way, look at all you will have gained in the process. :)

Integrity

They say that integrity is its own reward. They, whoever they are, couldn't be more right.

Because most times no one is going to reward you for it. Most people won't notice.

Business and entertainment can both be extremely cutthroat. People lying, backstabbing, or just being shady because they think it will get them ahead, give them an advantage, impress someone higher up or maybe just because it is the easier thing for them to do in that moment.

However, there are a handful of people that do notice. That do care. Sometimes they can help you. Sometimes they simply admire you for the person you are.

"But their admiration doesn't pay my bills..."

I know.

You know what their admiration does do? It drives them to be a better person. It creates an idea in their of doing right and being a good person. Perhaps it gives them the model they need in this screwy, sordid world. Maybe that idea keeps them out of trouble, Out of jail. Maybe it makes them a good husband, mother, caregiver, or just a better person that makes the world around them a better place in some way. Just like you did.

And all of those people who cheat, lie and steal to get what they want? They may achieve some amount of money or attention for it. But they had to darken their souls to do so. And they're always looking over their shoulder for whoever they screwed over to get their way. Or for anyone else that's shady, looking to get over on someone else, screw someone for a quick gain. You know, people like them.

You can look in the mirror with pride. You can sleep easy. Life is tough. Decisions aren't easy. But if you let a good heart guide you, you will never go wrong.

You may not ever see all the ways you've affected the world around you. For good or ill. But know that you have. Leave this world a little better than you found it.

Why Mean People Ultimately Lose

In the real world, there are some nasty, mean spirited people out there. Sadly, a lot of those terrible people succeed at their endeavors, and people listen to their lives.

However, despite all of their success, there is one thing you have that they never will.

Serenity.

People that had to abuse others to gain their own success are filled with bitterness. They are filled with the ugliness they spew out into the world. What's worse, they think that the world is filled with other ugly, awful people like themselves. So they are ever looking over their shoulders for some one to do unto them, as they have done unto others.

Actual enjoyment of their accomplishments will never happen, because despite the public facade, they know deep down that they have cheated, lied or abused others to get what they stole. And it will eat them alive. I work with these people everyday. I see how it drains them. And they couldn't cling harder to it.

So enjoy your successes with peace and serenity. With full belly laughs and child like joy. Because you earned it. You did it right. Some people will hate you for that. That's okay. Those are the people you wanted to avoid anyhow.

The Greatness In You

STOP!

Stop the anger and hatred. Stop the sorrow and self loathing. Stop every question and doubt that cripples you from moving forward, stops you from chasing a dream, or just keeps you from smiling each morning and night.

Doubt is an old devil that will always haunt us. We can allow just enough doubt to keep ourselves sharp, but when it comes time for action, kick Doubt in the nuts and take a flying leap from the mountain tops!

Take a moment to reflect on your own happiness and smile. A small success, a time you made someone else's day better, a time you were proud of where you were or just happy to be alive.

That feeling can always be yours. Believe it or not, you do deserve it.

You are allowed to be happy.

You can even start right now.

So take a deep breath, smile, and go be awesome.

Why 'Yes Means Yes' is Important

There has been a good bit of recent controversy over the California 'yes means yes' law.

All sorts of rebuttals were given as to why this law is dangerous. Communication should just be clear.

I agree. But sometimes it's not. (Also, perhaps prosecuting attorneys were tired of rapists going free because of legal 'gray area' in definitions, terms and communication?)

If she doesn't want to have sex, she should just say no.

Sure.

But saying 'no' is not the simple issue we pretend it to be.

Society has taught girls and women for countless generations to be meek, submissive, to cater to the needs of men. (If you don't believe me, posit this question in the social media of your choice, and see the response you get.) They've been taught to be mothers and home makers and cooks and cleaners (and 'nurses' instead of 'doctors'), etc. etc. The list goes on and on.

Now, before going further, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with a woman being any of the above mentioned. I'm just saying they don't 'have' to be either.

Now, that being said, let's also examine sex as a social interaction.

Let's say you have an aversion to germs, or skin contact and someone you know is a firm believer in hand shakes or hugs? Now you're in an awkward position to say no and seem rude or to say yes and be uncomfortable.

“But this is sex we're talking about!” you exclaim in your head.

“We never view sex as a social obligation!” the other side of your head yells.

But don't we?

Men, how many times have you been dirt tired and at the end of the day, even though you just want to pass out, you still make love to whomever you are with. For them.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's sad.

I've known female friends that have told me about sleeping with guys to 'shut him up', 'get him to stop following me around', or just to 'make him happy.'

So, yes, it happens. A lot.

Now let's go through the course of an evening out. A date. Everything is great, and she might even enjoy making out, but not necessarily going all the way. She's made that clear at dinner. She said no again in the car. On the couch, the third attempt is made. She really likes this guy, and he seems really nice, and he's been a good friend and doesn't want things to be awkward...

Am I making you uncomfortable yet? Good.

Now, men, this is going to require you putting yourself in their shoes. This is tough. We have no direct correlation. We honestly don't deal with the miasma of sexual demands and complexity that they do.

Allow me to share an uncomfortable story from my own history. More than once, I've been sexually accosted backstage or after a show. I'm a theatre actor, vaudeville performer and burlesque dancer. I had some one trying to get a look at my dallywacker after a show once backstage by removing my pants. A female performer friend of mine, thinking the situation seemed comical, offered to assist. I'm in a new town I've never performed in. My friend is assisting the person that's accosting me. I'm very uncomfortable. But I don't say 'no.' Largely because I can't think of how to do so without being aggressive or confrontational. My repeated attempts to joke it off and deflect this person's attention aren't working. Their keeping a tone of civility and friendliness while still sexually accosting me. Still.... I never said 'no.'

Thankfully another friend saw the situation and interceded. I felt stupid for having not figured out another way out of it. She assured me it was okay. That I shouldn't have been put in that situation in the first place. It was frustrating, and made me feel like an idiot. That I'd done something wrong in not handling the situation better on my own.

That was one day in my life. Women deal with this every day.

I honestly can't even imagine what that must be like. I'd want to scream at everyone who looked at me. I'd have mace in one hand and a club in the other.

What way is that to live?! Yet we do this to women EVERY DAY. (Which to me means that women are tough and together on a level we men will never understand. But that's just my opinion.)

For unnecessary eons women have been harassed as teases, prudes or for 'leading men on.' In the next breath we call them sluts for showing off 'too much' skin. That's another story entirely.

So, in closing, women do not owe us sex. They don't owe us an explanation. They also do not need to be repeatedly telling us no, feeling more and more awkward and uncomfortable. We shouldn't be pressing them constantly for something they really don't want to do. If a woman wants to have sex, she will let you know.

And honestly, I'd rather be oblivious and miss out on an opportunity for sex (and I have apparently, as I've been reminded in the past), than to make the women around me uncomfortable. I love women. I respect women. You should to.

And I'm not saying you don't. It's quite likely none of this ever occurred to you. It didn't for me until it did one day, if that makes sense.

Furthermore, if we are men, gentlemen or otherwise, we shouldn't be putting undue burden on them to explain why or figure out how to get out of the situation without 'ruining a friendship' or otherwise damaging our egos.

Don't make them say no. And don't assume that just because they aren't saying no, that's it's an affirmative yes.

Come on guys, it's time to step up and be men, and to treat ladies like ladies.

 

Fame and Success

I knew an acting teacher of mine that would tell us to never seek after fame. Fame is an endless chase that never has a resolution.

Success is another matter altogether, and means something different to everyone.

If you seek out to do good work. If you seek to have fun. If you seek to explore the imaginary circumstances under which you're performing. If these are your goals, you reach success every time you take the stage or get in front of the camera.

Seek to explore, to get better, to do good work. This is success.

If your goal is fame, it is an empty road leading no where.

Success is attainable. Success is achieving your goals.

Set your goals, aim high, and achieve success.

Sodom and Gomorrah Revisited

With as outspoken as I have been concerning marriage equality and ‘gay rights’ (the fact that we have to make such a distinction in this day and age is just ludicrous), some may be surprised to see me reference Sodom and Gomorrah, the oft cited context for rationalizing hate and homophobia as divine mandate.

Before taking to the stage, I was a history student. That was my first degree in fact. One of my focuses was religious studies. I feel that the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is in serious need of revisiting, because a lot of people missed some very important points in this parable.

Abraham is told by God that Sodom and Gomorrah is going to be destroyed because of the immense wickedness of the people residing there. The nature of this ‘wickedness’ is not specified. Abraham asks for a reprieve because his nephew Lot lives there.

God sends two angels to Sodom to investigate. They go to the house of Lot and a mob of people gather outside Lot’s house, demanding that Lot turn these two beautiful men over to them so they can rape them.

“Rape?” you say? I never remember hearing about ‘rape’ in Sunday school. That’s because rape is an uncomfortable topic that is often treated like Leprechauns and Glenn Beck. If we just ignore it, it’ll just go away.

But I want to point out that at no point are the angels’ CONSENT enquired about. This mob wants to rape these two men.

Lot, to save these two angels, offers his two daughters who have ‘known not a man.’ Now, often this is assumed to mean they are virgins. But in two cities where homosexuality is apparently quite common, I think it could also be inferred that his daughters might have actually been lesbians.

So let’s lay this out. Lot is offering his two daughters, who are either virgins, lesbians, or both to be GANG RAPED by an angry mob outside his house. So they don’t gang rape to angels sent by God. That ‘wicked’ enough for everyone?

The mob decides this is not an acceptable substitute and threaten to kick his door in to gang rape these two angels. The angels blind the crowd and get Lot out of there.

And ‘God hates gays’ is what people take away from this story?!

This is a society so far gone that mob rape is common place. They’re discussing it in a large group out in the open. I don’t think sexual identity has anything to do with it. This is about consent, which there is none. This is a culture that is habitual and flagrant about SEXUAL VIOLENCE.

I’d be ready to nuke this city too.

And I bring this point forward for a few reasons.

1) So many people TOTALLY missed the point of this story.

2) Sexual violence is about the most atrocious thing a person can do.

3) We have a serious issue in addressing sexual violence in this society. It exists. Ignoring it does not make it go away.

And if it’s enough to make God and angels lay waste to two entire cities, I think it’s about time we wake up, see the real moral of this story, and agree that sexual violence cannot and will not be tolerated.

We’ve had the story for over 2,000 years; it just lost something in the initial translation.

Why Happiness is Scary

There is something comforting in yearning. Perhaps it’s our background, our culture, or our constant bombardment from media of what we should yearn for. Still, there seems to have developed this trepidation with declaring to the world that we have found happiness. As though we’ll need to defend that stance later. That we may have to answer for why we’re not trying harder or accomplishing more.

Throughout our lives we are told to dream. To believe. To work hard and try our best.

We watch the television to see people in fancy clothes, outlandishly expensive cars and equally ostentatious homes. We are told this is success.

We look down our noses at the hard working, the person raising a family, those struggling to get by, making car payments and spending time with friends on the weekends.

Little do we realize that we’re looking down our noses at each other. At ourselves.

We’re taught to keep striving. We have this carrot dangled in front of us that ‘one day’ it will ‘all come together.’

Media will never tell you to be happy with what you have. They don’t sell their product that way. And they very much sell a product. They have to keep you watching. So the more outlandish (and staged by the way) their reality shows are, the more ostentatious our celebrities are, the more we tune in; dreaming of that far away life. The modern fairy tale.

Somewhere in this endless cat’s cradle of dangling carrots and distant dreams has emerged this stigma of being content. The steady stream of commercials needs you to constantly want the newest and shiniest and brightest. But let’s be clear. They need you. You do not need them.

This obsession with possession will never be filled. The wealthiest people in this country are constantly trying to accumulate more. They possess more money than their grandkids could spend and still they pursue more? So when does happiness kick in?

Somewhere along the way we’ve become afraid of being happy. That admitting to being happy in where we are in life somehow that we’re not trying hard enough. Perhaps it’s our Puritan/Catholic background that life should be misery and contrition and that peace and happiness only exists beyond the veil.

There is also this thought in the back of our minds, and in the minds of so many go getters, career chasers and the like, that to admit to being happy with our lives is to have failed somehow. Or to give up our claim to complain later. Neither of these are true.

But happiness is real, and it is before you.

Now, let me be very clear here. I’m not referring to ‘selling yourself short’, or to ‘give up trying.’ I constantly strive towards new goals. Almost obsessively so.

I likely will do this for the rest of my life.

Still, in the interim I remind myself to take time to be joyful of where I am. Of what I get to do. Of the wonderful people I am surrounded with. (Seriously, if you are not surrounded by wonderful people, find new people. There are too many wonderful people and wonderful experiences out there to be miserable.)

So I write this here and now to give you permission to be happy. Right now, where you are in this exact moment. You have accomplished something to get where you are. You have known loss and you have known victory. Look around you and reflect on what you have to be happy about.

And I give you permission, not as any sage or guru, but as a fellow human being, struggling through my own path and journey. But I have found immense happiness in my life. I have found immense sorrow as well. But ‘home is where the heart is.’ Or as Qui-Gon Jinn said ‘Your focus determines your reality.’ Your happiness is where you place it. If it is always placed in some far off place, it will remain there. If you wrap your happiness around where you are right now you can always take it with you.

There is that old saying “Life is about the journey, not the destination.” But I bet no one has ever elaborated on this particular cliché. It means that you may always have goals in your life. You might set out goals that take years or even a lifetime to achieve. But if you experience no joy from the smalls gains throughout that journey, then what are you doing to yourself?

Find the joy in your journey. Find the joy in your life and the people around you. If you need a change, make a change. Wrap your joy around you and take it with you.

Don’t be afraid to be happy. You’ve deserved to all along.

Checking In

Check in with each other. It's easy to get caught up in our own lives. I am terribly guilty of this personally. Often we have no idea what others are wrestling with.

A friend of a friend just committed suicide. It was after a big event.

Having been some one that's both 'goal oriented' and deals with depression, I would say make sure to check in with friends during 'major events.' Especially friends whom you know wrestle with depression or are going through a sudden bout of melancholy. It may seem like they have everything going for them, but they may just be considering that 'one last event' before they go. I know, because I've had the same thought before.

I'm not trying to be morbid, it's just something I've noticed.

Check in with each other. Hold each other up. Hold each other close.

My love to you all.

Decisions, Peace and Purpose

What is Legal isn’t always what is Right.

What is Ethical isn’t always what is Nice.

What is Necessary isn’t always what is Kind.

I’ve read a lot lately about ‘finding balance.’ And I think what they usually mean is ‘finding peace.’ Which finding serenity in this world is a lovely thing. But any such state will always be temporary, and it’s understanding and appreciating that that helps us mature, smile, and stay sane in the turbulence.

Life is not about ‘finding balance.’ It’s about making decisions. The choices you make and the actions you take are what decide who you are. Sometimes that line, of what is ‘right or wrong’ is not always clear. Those are the moments when you decide who you are.

There is nothing wrong with being a ‘nice person.’ We like nice people. We also tend to forget them sometimes. On the other end, we claim to admire people with conviction. Yet there have been some horrible people throughout history that had a lot of conviction in what they did.

The point I’m getting at in all of this is that it’s okay. Sometimes there just are no ‘right answers’, there’s just the answer that makes the most sense to us at the time. Invariably, there will be aftermath to these decisions, leaving us ever wondering ‘did I make the wrong decision?’

You did if you made your decision from selfishness, smallness, meanness, hate or any other such places. Sometimes even good intentions can lead to terrible decisions if they are made with insight.

So look around you. How can you make this day better? How can you improve your life? How can you make someone else’s day better? How can you help someone you care about improve their life?

If you make your decisions with a little love in your heart, learn from your experiences (and the experiences of others so you don’t have to make those same mistakes), and take a moment to absorb what is going on around you and how this moment, this choice will affect that world; either positively or negatively; then you will be able to look back on a life of choices well made.

It won’t be an easy life. It won’t be a simple one. There will be moments of doubt, confusion, fear and turbulence that no training will completely prepare you for. But if you focus on the betterment you can make of the given situation, you will have a life you can look back on and be proud of.

And there’s your serenity. Your peace. Your ‘balance.’

Gratitude

As a performer, many of us continuously work on honing our craft. Dance classes, workshops, training and conditioning, learning new tips on make up, costuming, etc. etc. etc.

And despite all the work that I and others have put into our careers, we need to remember that those careers don’t exist in a vacuum.

As a burlesque performer I have immense respect for the performers that paved the way before me. (And continue to do so.) From Berlin classics like Marlene Dietricht, veterans like Chris Owens and Tempest Storm, people like Dita Von Teese that helped bring burlesque back to the national stage, my first burlesque director Emily Doubilet who opened up my college campus to burlesque, current trail blazers like Bella Blue , Trixie Minx, Reverend Spooky Le Strange and Perle Noire who have helped make burlesque a household name and opened up possibilities to the rest of us that would never have been accessible otherwise. To all of you and so many more I say thank you.

Thank you for being pioneers. Thank you for doing what many did not think possible. Thank you for helping provide my place on the stage.

But most importantly, just Thank you.

Evening's Peace

Hearing my neighbor sing to herself. Couldn't make out the words until I realized she was singing in her Native Turkish. I love the diversity of where I live, and the time that I'm alive that I get to enjoy and experience so much.

Were it to all end tomorrow, I could look back and smile upon a good life well lived. And for that I am unfathomably grateful. To my parents for raising me, instilling strong values and a work ethic in me, for those I have loved and those I have lost and the pieces of you I carry with me, for the wonderful friends that have been my shoulder in the hard times and my drinking partner in the good, for colleagues and comrades that have shared this journey, to my family that has loved and supported me; both blood and adopted along the way, and to where my heart rests. May you ever bathe in the brilliance that you are.

I rest tonight with a smile and a full heart, and for that I thank you all.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a Turkish folk song to learn. smile emoticon

~ Love, Gideon Hodge

Moving Tomorrow

Moving Tomorrow

I heard someone recently say that they were ‘moving tomorrow’, and for whatever reason I completely misunderstood what they meant.

I was swept with this concept of ‘moving tomorrow’ and all that could mean.

For so many of us, tomorrow is so plodding. We’ll get up, get dressed, go to work. The week starts on Monday and we get a slight reprieve on Saturdays and Sundays to catch up on everything we couldn’t get done because we were at work the other five days.

And this will continue until we perish or retire. Whichever’s easier.

We say ‘you never know what tomorrow may bring.’ But most of us know. Bills, bad weather, car troubles, arguments, illness. Tomorrow is all too clear. We’ll keep doing what we were doing yesterday. There’s a comfort to it in a way.

But what if we were to ‘move tomorrow’? Change what tomorrow was to be? Take a sick day and leave town on an adventure. Apply for the jobs we don’t think we can get. Ask out that person we’ve been petrified to. They may say no, but now we can move on.

Write a story. Paint a picture. Go out with friends to somewhere we’ve never been before.

Perhaps pick a new direction in life. Decide that the small voice that’s been percolating at the back of our minds for so long will suddenly be allowed to sing, and see how that changes tomorrow, and every tomorrow thereafter.

Then I realized that my friend wanted help moving furniture. Tomorrow.

That and she asked if I’d been drinking.

But still, how would you ‘move tomorrow’ if you could?