Take some time

Sip things.

Take strolls.

Yawn and stretch out.

Stare at trees when the winds blows their branches. Listening to the rustling.

Enjoy a rainstorm. Feel the sun on your skin.

Take deep breaths and smile.

Life pushes along so often, so quickly, that we feel the twinge of panic and anxiety at every turn. Stress becomes our prison, and busyness our occupation.

I'm as guilty of this as anyone. So I make the above list for myself, and share it with you in case it helps.

Take time to enjoy the little things.

Take time to breath.

Take time for you.

Reflections.

Sitting near the fire, reading. Reflecting.
Was an interesting, hectic, wonderful day that ended with me eating, drinking and playing games with close friends and second family while listening to Christmas music.

Even dragged Auro up for a dance during Silent Night. Not the usual dance song, but the mood struck me.

While I strive to accomplish so much more, I take moments like these to be immensely grateful for what I have now. I have a home, I have food, I have warmth. I've not always had these things. Some still don't.

I know that all I have won't always be here, and in the many vicissitudes of my life, I have learned to appreciate what I have while I have it. Whatever that may be.

So tonight, I reflect on all I have to be grateful for. While fighting off a sneeze, damn cat allergies... and sit back to read while the log fire dies down.

Hope everyone is bundled up, warm, and safe tonight.

Sleep well, and many fortunes to you.

So You're not alone

((Friend walks by a room to see a Person crying. He steps into the room and sits down. She continues for a few moments before looking up and wipes her eyes.))

Person: Hey.

Friend: Hey.

Person: Come in here to try to cheer me up? Tell me everything’s going to be better someday?

Friend: Nope.

Person: Then what, you’re just going to watch me cry?

Friend: Nope.

Person: Okay…

Friend: I don’t even know what’s ailing you at the moment. So I’m not going to pretend to have insight into it. Can’t say it’s going to be better either, since for all I know, it’s about to get a lot worse.

Person: You’re not helping.

Friend: Sorry about that.

Person: So why did you come in here?

Friend: So you’d know you weren’t alone.

The Value of being a Good Person

My reply to someone going through a rough time. Sharing here in case anyone else needs to hear this:

Question: "Do you feel that genuinely being a good person gets you absolutely no where in this world?"

My answer: "Yes. But you sleep better at night. You're not always looking over your shoulder for other people to stab you in the back like you did to them.
 It might seem like nothing happens to shitty people in this world, but it does. Because they have to carry that hate, greed, envy and pettiness with them all the time. Dwelling on it when they're with people and supposed to be having a good time. Dwelling on it when they're alone and should be relaxing or trying to sleep.
 So the curse of people with ugly souls is self made, and they have to carry that around with them all the time.
You don't win anything in this life for being a good person. But you get to enjoy your thoughts, your rest, and you'll make much better friends. "

Dukkha: Suffering of the Mundane

Dukkha: The suffering of mundane life.

And we all have it.

This is important of late because I know there are often times the need to see our own suffering as unique. And, in it's own way, it is. It's yours. It's the combination of your losses, insecurities, experiences and unmet desires.

You are not alone.

Dukkha is also the reminder that we all suffer, to some degree. We all have some anxiety, something depressing or frustrating us, some burning want that we can never seem to attain.

We each deal with it in different ways. Dancing, performance, alcohol, drugs, socializing, not socializing, reading, writing, screaming into a pillow, naked ice cream wrestling with friends.

... You get the picture.

We can each find our own path away from suffering and toward happiness.

Where things become problematic, is when we take this Dukkha out on others, and make it their suffering. This is not okay. Yes, there are a million excuses as to why we should be allowed, because of our unique suffering, but they remain just that, excuses. Taking out your frustrations upon those around you is no longer your suffering, it's abuse.

Even the Zen Master overcame something to become that way. We may never know if they lost their wife and two children in a blazing car wreck, followed it with five years of depression and alcoholism before finding their Zen journey. We don't know. We can't assume the happy, successful person doesn't struggle with demons they never let the world see.

The point of this is, dealing with these demons and moving forward, even though it may be terrifying at the time, it leads to you being stronger, healthier and happier in the long run.
As someone who pulled themselves out of years of suicidal depression, and that's the nice, happy, abridged version; I promise this is true.

Our suffering becomes like this familiar, comfortable blanket that we keep on us, because it keeps us safe. It keeps us from venturing forth and potentially failing at bettering ourselves. It makes us always right, because as we wrap that blanket of excuses and fear tighter around us, it reinforces that there is no way to change our situation.

And that blanket slowly strangles us.

I say this, not to be mean or callous. I say this, because I hate to see people suffering. And the whole point of Dukkha is that much of our suffering is self made. We breathe, we challenge, we move forward, we grow. Yes, we fall, and hurt, and fail, and shatter along the way. But we heal, we observe, we learn, and we grow some more.

I challenge each of you to find some way to overcome your Dukkha today and this week. Do some quick research for ways others have overcome your particular suffering, and try it. And if it doesn't work, try something else. Keep trying.

The growing pains hurt less in the long run than the pain your feeling now stretched out forever.

Be good to yourselves, and be good to each other.

~Cheers

Barely Holding On

And sometimes just a few words can wreck you; making you question your self worth.

For anyone that feels you need to "reality check" an artistic friend for getting too caught up in what they do, let me share something with you.

Many of them are fully, overwhelmingly aware of how little what they do matters to the world at large. Every time they perform to a small audience, every time they're knuckled under on price, every time a project falls apart or is poorly received.

They're often far more aware of their own short comings and failures than the world around them will ever know.

Because the stories of our losses only matter years after the fact, when we get to talk about how they kept pushing. If they didn't give up. If they didn't let their friends and loved ones "realistic" advice trying to help us see the "real world".

We see it. And we fight every day to survive in it. In a world that may not value what we do. But we'll do it anyway in our vain hope that we'll maybe bring a little light to the world. That we might make someone smile, or move them, or challenge them to be their best self.

We may just be using our art to deal with an angry, scary, sordid world that we don't understand. And this is our way of making sense of it.

So before you feel the need to tear us down, to "bring us back to earth", stop. And know for just a moment that some of us are barely standing. And with shaking knees, bleeding feet and tear soaked eyes, we hope for tomorrow, for another chance to touch the world in a positive way, or maybe just make it through one more day with our sanity intact.

Thank you very much.

Endgame: A Changing of the Times

There were amazing moments in this film from start to finish. The oft overlooked writing team even figured out a way to spike our emotional energy right back to where it was at the eerie and heart wrenching ending of Infinity War in the opening scene with Hawkeye.

And whereas the battles were epic, the exchanges between characters were both classic and fresh and the stakes were never higher, there was something else afoot.

I first noticed it when Captain America is standing alone against Thanos and his army rolls in. We think Cap and the whole mission is doomed, when Falcon and the Wakandan army show up to save the day! Then there is the epic moment when the main female characters rally around the gauntlet like a rugby team, ready to push the goal the last few yards. Captain America handing over the mantle to Falcon. Thor handing over leadership of Asgard to Valkyrie.

Although each moment in and of itself was fun, I believe this was about more than fan service. Marvel was making a statement, or perhaps reiterating one in case we had missed it previously. It's scary to some, exhilarating to others, and perhaps a little controversial at the moment. But I think it was this:

It is not an old white man's world anymore.

Although the heroic ending for Tony Stark and the poetic ending for Captain America brings us immense and satisfying closer for each character, as well as releases Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Evans to move on to other projects, it was also a closing of that chapter of history. This entire film was a passing of the torch, a changing of the guard, a recognition of times changing and of them needing to change.

And this is not to say that white men no longer have a place in this future. Quill and Thor are rushing off to make trouble in the cosmos. Dr. Strange is still protecting us from supernatural evil. Spiderman is still the spunky, youthful New Yorker we've always known. (But now with a diverse cast of supporting characters we had not seen previously) Life continues, but now with room for everyone to shine. And thus the rising of one star does not necessarily mean the setting of another. The Marvel universe will continue with brilliant vibrance, but also with inclusion and diversity.

As a life long fan, I am eager to see what the next arc from Marvel will be. But I'm also glad that my friends from various backgrounds can sit at these theatres with me and feel like they're represented in what is going on onscreen as well. It was a beautiful bookend to an epic saga the likes of which we have never seen before, ending a story 20 films in the making.

I don't know what lies ahead for Marvel, and I deeply hope that they keep up the same level of engaging storytelling that many other franchises have wavered on of late. But I do know that it will not be the Marvel we grew up with. It will not be the Marvel that we remember, and that's okay. Old characters with new faces like Captain Marvel and Nick Fury may be jarring to some people, but for the people that are concerned about this, I would invite you to look at the smiles on all the faces of children and adults that now believe that they can be heroes too. I think it might change your mind.

Hats off Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely for the amazing writing. Kudos to Anthony and Joe Russo for bringing this vision to life. All of my love for the actors that have embodied all of my favorite heroes in ways that I had never seen before they stepped into those shoes. And to Marvel, for giving us this amazing saga that has truly changed the game forever.

And to Stan... Excelsior!

Subliminal movie concept

So, my dream last night.
A romantic comedy starring John Travolta and Drew Barrymore as two single adult nerds with high functioning Down's Syndrome.

Drew is the 'cool kid' at their school, and John is kind of the misfit/Rudolph character.

So to impress Drew, he shows her his collectible Voltron ring from the 80's that for some reason was made with five actual gems. (They just don't make em like the old days huh?) Drew thinks he's giving it to her and gets really excited. John, not wanting to lose the ring, but still have her think he's cool, in a moment of panic proposes to her.

The rest of the movie is about them planning the most adorable nerd wedding for middle aged people while Robin Williams plays Drew's scheming father that's just trying to get the ring from poor John.

This. This is the places my subconscious apparently wanders off to.

Friends to enemies, enemies to friends

Was watching Dragon Ball Super and looked over the cast of characters filled with enemies from the past that became friends.

I thought about what a wonderful reflection on the main characters that was, that they were able to heal from the wounds with these enemies and form lasting bonds.

Forgiveness. Atonement. Mending.

It is a beautiful thought.

Then I reflected on how little that seems to happen in real life.

Strangers become friends. But friends, once enemies, never seem to come back around.

Those we meet as enemies stay as enemies forever.

I'm sure there are exceptions to this, and I would love to hear your tales to the contrary.

Simply lamenting that we can't find more ways to lay our differences aside and forge friendships where enmity once persisted.

Be Gracious

Don't take kindness for granted.

I think this is the ultimate form of self absorption. To not show gratitude when someone else does something for you.

I've worked in entertainment for 15 years now.

I still make sure to be full of gratitude for every opportunity I am given. Every time that an expert takes time from their day to explain something to me. Every quality moment I get to spend with another human being.

Gratitude enriches the spirit.

I believe this with all my being.

The world can do everything for you, but if you do not accept it with gratitude and joy, then you are the one that is still left empty at the end.

But kindness and graciousness in this world, at the very least, deserves to be greeted with whatever gratitude you can muster at that time.

Maybe you don't have the strength to smile at that moment. But you can say thank you.

Remember, they could have much more easily walked on by than extended the hand to you. Acknowledge it.

You're heart will be fuller for it.

The Pain of Ambition

Ambition can be crushing at times.

Like Sisyphus pushing the boulder up hill, we can feel like ever time we make some headway, the boulder shifts past us and rolls back down into the sand. Or we make it to the top of this hill only to find an even larger one on the horizon.

Or some days it just feels like the boulder rolls back over us on its way down.

We can look at the effortless celebrity that exists in a dreamworld of privilege and opportunity and wonder... why not us?

Life is not fair.

Ambition does not equal success.

Sometimes luck is not on our side.

Then what?

What is the point of it all?

What is the point of all this toil and effort if it will amount to nothing in the end?

What is the point... of a flower?

It will one day wilt. It is so fragile to the ravages of time, mankind and the weather.

Yet in the time it is allotted, it is vibrant and beautiful.

Each sunrise will end in night. Each night will end in another tomorrow with its own toil awaiting.

But still we have that night. Still we have that day. Still we have that rose, by any name.

We have these beautiful moments where our aching hearts can smile and our efforts can shine, if only for ourselves and maybe a few close friends.

Still we have our efforts. We have our art. We have our work. We have our love, and joy and passion.

Yes, it comes with it the wilting, grinding heart ache and suffering of failure, of projects incomplete, of work ignored by the masses.

But in our training, we become wiser. We become stronger. We become more full of the things that we adore and that makes us who we are.

We may never bring home the gold medal, but perhaps we'll be faster and stronger than we were yesterday.

And this series of steps forward is our journey. And that journey holds meaning. To us, and to who we share it with.

Perhaps we may not shatter the world, but perhaps we might mentor the next struggling person who is aspiring to be more than they are right now.

And perhaps you can help that flower grow to be bright and colorful and brilliant. Perhaps you can be in the meanwhile too.

Books are still the most immersive medium.

Books are still the most immersive medium.

I highly respect art, and love the ways your eyes can get lost and your mind can wander the labyrinth that the artist may have traveled in their journey of creating this piece.

I love music, letting it reverberate through my soul as the melody moves me and I am touched by the lyrics that crafted that artist's experiences into living sound.

I adore films, both being a part and watching from afar. The mixture of visual stimulus with musical scores creates an experience that takes us somewhere else, somewhere magical for a time.

Books however, bring us to those places deep within our own minds and souls. The experience becomes deeply personal because we are making that journey with those characters as we read each word and turn each page.

We may hear those characters thoughts. We see them in our mind. We rejoice in their triumph and our hearts break at their losses.

But what forever sets books apart from all other mediums is the deeply personal experience each reader has within their own imaginations. Exploring that world within our own minds until it becomes a part of us.

This is an experience that can never be replaced or substituted.

The written word is not dead. Those who are not reading are simply limiting their own depth of living.

And so, read on my friends.