Humanity or Righteousness?

I was watching Daria recently (dear heavens I had forgotten how funny that show was) and there was an episode involving a love triangle, when one character makes out with somebody else's boyfriend. Very typical situation, but they all managed to handle it with humor, though and a bit of grace. (I'm not saying who for anyone that hasn't seen the episode yet.)

It made me think of a conversation a friend of mine had in high school, lamenting the days on the playground in grade school where we could have a knock down, drag out fist fight and still play toys together that next weekend.

And in high school, it might not always work, but somebody might break up and end up with a close friend and people learn to adapt. Friends can have a huge fight or falling out and make up a week or so later.

Yet as we sink further into 'adulthood', we seem to lose that malleability. One argument can end a friendship. One disagreement or unfortunate situation can end years worth of trust, joy and friendship. And I'm honestly not sure why that is. Why do we lose that malleability of youth?

We may say to ourselves that as we get older, the stakes get higher. And that may or may not be true, but are the stakes of losing a long term friend any less?

I think our pride and stubbornness come into play. We don't want to lose face, or admit to being in the wrong (which, inside tip, not admitting you're wrong when you're actually wrong, does not save face) and thus we let a friendship that lasted years just wither and die. For what, pride?

Did pride sit with you during your last break up. Did pride help you out when you were between jobs? Is pride going to come pick you up when your car breaks down and you're stranded? You get the idea.

And I'm not saying that we should stay in abusive situations.

But I see this alarming repost of “leave a situation or relationship that no longer serves you.”

A relationship isn't there to serve you. Friends are not there to serve you. Lovers are not there to serve you.

And I know that in the fastfood, status update, Amazon delivery age we live in, that everything needs to be immediate and serve us exactly the way we want it. But like that woman that just got her ass whipped at a McDonald's after angrily throwing her milkshake at an employee learned, the world isn't always there to take your abuse and make you happy for it.

Anything worth while requires time, effort and dedication. We learn this in school, at work, as craftsmen(women/persons), as musicians, technicians, coders or anything else in life. And yet we forget to apply this in our social lives?

There are friends that I've lost to my own pride. There are friends I've lost to their pride. I've recently watched friends cut off other friends to assuage their own pride and largely just so they didn't have to admit to being wrong. (It didn't make them any less wrong, it did not in fact make them look “better” in the eyes of anyone, and it lost them a lot of friends for no reason, just to reiterate my earlier sentiment.)

I guess to a degree, we have to learn to forgive each other for being human. In this ever increasing political crucible all around us, fanned by “information” outlets clamoring for ad revenue and marketing dollars, we have to learn more about the shades of gray in the world and people around us. If we could do this, there might be less hostility in the world. We might lose less friends. We might lose less people in general.

Just something to think about.

Be right, or be human. Both have their benefits I suppose. But I've always found that the company of genuine people to be more pleasant and comforting than the heat of my own righteousness.

Whether or not you agree is up to you.